A cow.

<3 to my husband.

- - Eva - -

I updated your 'friends list', you lazy louse.

Hello.

I am a bastard.

These are the things of my hate.

No, you are unworthy of a LiveJournal cut, because I own you.

( Or rather you ARE, because I said so. )


Perhaps it is a bit ridiculous, but I own you, so it matters not, now does it?

Edit: Honestly, Eva. Honestly.

Hello, my name is Sparda.

I have a problem, and perhaps one of you passers-by can assist me.

'tis a small affliction, one that I have passed on to my eldest son. 'tis call 'Bumstickolona'. 'tis where a stick perhaps half an inch wide (you must forgive me, as I am attempting to convert from metric here), and approximately a foot and a half long, has been inserted into my bumhole. This makes for the following symptoms:

- Aggravating traits of being stoic
- Inability to express compassion for family
- Irrational fear of small animals
- Homicidal tendancies towards small animals due to aforementioned irrational fear
- The ability to wear a monocle at all times, even during sexual activities with my wife
- Optional impotence
- Disinterest in performing sexually as a means of brutal torture for my wife
- Ability to be over-sexed when it suits me best
- Disgust for mortals
- Lack of empathy
- Lack of sympathy
- Lack of motivation
- The desire to own companies that eventually pan out to my owning everything you all own

Really. Curing me of this affliction will be in your favour.

We will be establishing a Paypal account in the upcoming days.

Thank you for your time.

This is what happens when you are a horrible bastard.

<3